


Talking to Coach

by TamarElmensdorp



Series: I think it's you I like [3]
Category: Belldom - Fandom, Muse (Band)
Genre: Belldom - Freeform, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-09
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-05-04 09:09:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14589699
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TamarElmensdorp/pseuds/TamarElmensdorp
Summary: The wise words of nanna.





	Talking to Coach

**Author's Note:**

> Part three in the series, sequel to [Practice Run](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9266123), and [ Ready, Steady, Go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9266147)

“Kel?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you… uhm… did you ever, you know... like, kiss a girl?”

“No, but you know that Chris guy, that guy that you’re friends with, but somehow I’m not. What’s he called, Wolstensomething. I would _not_ mind kissing him! He is just to die for, so tall and handsome, and cute.”

Kelly stared the thousand mile stare dreamingly for a while, until she suddenly realised what Matt had asked her.

“Wait a minute. Why’d you ask that? Is there something I should know? Did _you_ kiss a girl? Or a _boy_? Oh My God, you kissed a boy!”

Kelly looked at Matt expectantly, bouncing a bit on the bed where they both sat, pretending to do their homework. Matt, on the other hand, looked down, cheeks turning a slight pink.

“You’re blushing! It’s true. You kissed a boy. Tell me, tell me, tell me. Who is it, what was it like, was it good?”, Kelly rattled at such a high speed, she almost tumbled over her own words. “Does this… does this mean you’re gay?”, she finally uttered at a much more normal pace.

Matt shrugged, eyes still pointed downwards, cheeks a bit darker by now.

“Matt! You’ve got to tell me! You can’t just ask me if I ever kissed a girl and then not tell me that you’ve kissed a boy. It better not be Chris! I’ve got dibs on him.”

This eluded a giggle from Matt and he shyly peeked up at Kelly. His hand came up to his face to hide his smile. Kelly had never understood why Matt would always hide his smile. On a very rare occasion she had seen his smile, and it was a sweet smile, especially when it was combined with the twinkle she now saw in his eyes.

“Well, tell me. I can see in your eyes, no, in your whole posture, that there’s something to tell. And you might not want, or dare, to tell it, but I know you need to tell someone. Might as well be me. We’ve been best friends for, how long now, ever since we were eight?”

Kelly was right, though. Matt needed to talk with someone about his feelings. He knew what he felt, oh dear god, how he felt it. But it was weirding him out too. Even though he had never had any special feelings about any girl, he never thought he would have those feelings about a boy. 

Things were so confusing. Not when Dom was there. No, then he knew exactly how he felt and what he wanted. He wanted to kiss him, touch his skin, feel his warmth. But when he was not around it somehow felt all wrong. Like he was not supposed to feel like that at all. His mates at school all talked about girls. Wasn’t he supposed to feel the things he felt for girls instead of for boys, or for Dom in particular? And did this mean he was gay?

“Chris likes you too, by the way,” he quickly said to deflect Kelly’s thoughts. 

“Now, don’t you go changing the subject on me, boy! You kissed a boy and I need to know all about it.” She sounded a bit angry.

“Wait, what now?” Suddenly she realised what Matt had said. Chris, hunky Chris liked her. That was interesting stuff. Matt’s alleged boy kissage was immediately forgotten. She needed to hear about Chris liking her. 

Matt let out a trembling sigh. Crisis averted. Matt wasn't ready yet to tell Kelly about how he felt. That much was clear. Even though he started the whole kissing conversation, he could not yet finish it. She would be one of the first he would tell, for sure, but now obviously wasn't the time. It would come. First tell her all about how his mate was totally bonkers about her.

 

“What’s wrong Matt?” granny asked later that evening while they were having dinner. Matt had been pushing his food around on his plate, but not really eating any of it. “Are you feeling ill? Let me feel your forehead,” she said while leaning over the table to feel his brow. Matt softly pushed her hand away before she reached him, though.

“Nanna,” he looked her in the eye for a bit, before turning his attention down to his plate again. “Nan,” he began again, “how do you know the difference between being in love and just being, you know, just hormones and stuff?” He peeked up at her through his bangs, cheeks slightly colouring.

A soft smile formed on her lips. Gran loved that she and Matt were so close that he felt comfortable enough to talk with her about such things, even if he couldn’t look her in the eye. Silly, shy boy. She reached over the table and grabbed both his hands in hers, thumbs stroking reassuring circles on the back of his hands.

“That’s not such an easy question, Matt. Sometimes you love someone so much, you want to touch them, be one with them. Other times it’s just pure lust. Both are okay, though. Sex doesn’t always have to be about love. Casual sex can be great, although personally, I think that sex with someone you love feels better, more intense. I do think that when you’re having casual sex, that both parties should know that it’s just that, though. When you know what you’re getting into, there’s less chance of you getting hurt.”

“Less chance?”

“Well, yeah. There’s always a chance of getting hurt. Sometimes the both of you agree on things being casual, no strings, no feelings, just sex, but that doesn’t mean that neither of your feelings can change.

“Are you having sex, Matt?” granny asked softy.

“No, no, no, no,” Matt quickly answered. “But..., you know..., I- I kissed someone. And it’s all so confusing. I don’t know what I feel, or what I should feel, or, if maybe I shouldn’t feel anything at all, or if I should feel something different.” Matt let out a trembling sigh. His grandmother knew Matt well enough to know that he wasn’t done talking yet, and that if she interrupted his flow of thoughts, he would clam up, so she kept quiet and waited.

“What if,” Matt tried to pull his hands from granny’s grib, but she wouldn’t let go. He let his head down, chin to his chest. He then whispered so softly that it almost couldn’t be heard, “what if what I feel is wrong?”

“Oh, honey, why would it be wrong? Have you kissed someone who is much older than you? You’re not legal yet, you know?” concern sounded in granny’s voice, even though she thought she already knew what was bothering Matt.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that…, it was…, it wasn’t a girl,” Matt said even softer than before. Matt seemed to want to crawl inside of himself, making himself as small as possible. Granny let go of his hands and got up from her chair to kneel by his side. She wrapped him in a tight hug, placing a kiss on top of his almost disappearing head.

“It’s Dom, isn’t it?” she quietly asked. “It’s okay, honey, I already knew that was more than just an ordinary friendship. And it’s okay. Don’t you worry about a thing, dear. It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s okay,” she whispered to Matt while slowly rocking him. Tears were trickling down Matt’s cheeks and he gratefully sank into gran’s comforting embrace.

When his tears had dried up a bit, Matt lifted his head up and anxiously looked at his grandmother. “So, so you don’t think it’s wrong to like a boy that way? Shouldn’t I feel these things for girls, like everybody else? Does this mean I’m gay?”, a tremble sounded through in his voice.

“Whomever gave you the idea that loving a boy is a bad thing? That is certainly not how I raised you. Or, at least, I didn’t mean to. Did I do or say something that gave you the idea that that was wrong?” Now grandma sounded worried. She had never wanted to make Matt feel that way, and really hoped that his thoughts didn’t come from something she had said or done.

“All the boys in school talk about girls. About how big their, you know..., and about their round hips and long legs. No one ever talks about boys that way.”

“And do _you_ ever talk about boys that way?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“They’d make fun of me, now wouldn’t they,” Matt sounded angry.

“Ever thought that other boys might think the same?” granny asked softly.

“Oh,” Matt mumbled. “Yeah.”

“Going through puberty is hard enough by itself. Your body changes. Your feelings change. And if you discover that you might like boys instead of girls, or both boys AND girls, that will be something you have to come to terms with. For some people that’s easier than for others. Some boys hide behind macho talk, either to hide their true feelings from others, or from themselves.”

“Nanna? Does this, does this mean I’m g- gay?”

“I don’t know, my dear. Maybe. Or maybe you’re bisexual. Or maybe it’s just Dom. You don’t have to give it a label. All you have to do, is accept it. Does it scare you to be gay?”

“I- I don’t know. When we’re together, it all seems so clear. Yes, it’s scary to kiss, but I think it would be scary with a girl too. It’s my first time, you know. But when we kiss, it all feels so right. Like we belong. But then, when we’re not together, I get so confused again. I don’t know, nanna, I just don’t know.”

Tears started falling from his eyes again, and granny wrapped him in a warm, tender hug.

“It’s okay, honey. All will be okay. You’ll figure it all out. Together with Dom. And just remember, I’m always here for you too. I’m on your side no matter what. Now, let me dry your tears, and you, you should finish your dinner. You’re skinny enough as it is. Don’t need you getting any skinnier, poking your bones in poor Dom’s flesh when you’re making out,” granny said with a mischievous smile on her face. And with that, she got up from her knees, gave him a last tight hug, planted a kiss on top of his head, and turned back to her seat to finish her own meal.

“You’ll be okay, honey. Just you wait and see.”


End file.
